12/2

As usual, morning woke up and took bus to school. On my way to school, I was telling myself that today is the last day...... I want to see her before I get promoted to poly year 2. Hmm... this girl is just a stranger.... I don't know anything about her...not even her name.. and she don't know who am I. But the main reason why I want to see her because she look like my gf.... which I miss her everyday till I am dying. So I got off the bus and walked and I was thinking.... will fate help me? will fate be on my side and let me see her one more time? Just when I finish thinking, I looked at the mushroom and I saw her..... she was sitting at the mushroom with her friend.... So I stopped walking and stood still at the bridge staring at her.... but then just nice she is facing me... So I can't stand still for too long or she will know that I am looking at her...lol...
So I walked to my pom tutorial room and teacher wasn't here yet. So I walked out and stood at the staircase watching her..... 

Hmm... I know this sounds psycho and pervert...lol.... but aren't girl's beauty meant for guys to admire? haha... maybe I just miss my gf too much.... I am beginning to have illusion that other people actually look like her. So it's time for me to go and I went in my pom tutorial class. After that we had some photo taking session.... I miss 1B23. Ended at 1pm but went to ITAS to eat. On my way to buy my food, I saw a girl who look like her again. But then when I walk nearer.... she doesn't look like her... sigh... after eating I went home.

I walked to the bridge and I saw another her... but I didn't really care....because I know.... she isn't even in SG. sigh... it's super hard to maintain a long distance relationship.... loving someone isn't as easy as it seems. It's kinda like we can chat.... we can video call each other in msn.... but then facing the reality.... both of us still miss each other alot and there are some stuff that we can't do. Like everyday when I go out... when I see a couple holding hand.... I will miss holding her hand and when I look beside me..... my gf isn't beside me. I am having the feeling of tired and sadness.... When I buy things and I don't know if it suits me... normally I will ask her how is it? But then... now.... when I buy stuff.... there is no one I can ask....

When I feel like watching a movie.... the first person I think of inviting to watch with me is my gf.. So I will start typing the SMS but before I click send... I realise that she is not in SG... So I can't send....
Even when we want to be romantic and do things that normal couple will do such as kissing... we can't too....

Few years ago when I ask her to be my gf.... both of us were scared because of this matter too.... my best friend warned me that this road that I am taking is not easy to walk... but maybe I was stubborn. I won't know how it feels until I tried it. So both of us went on and now I feel the pain. I wanted to end this pain but suddenly... my best friend told me it's hard... but it's not impossible. I agreed... So I didn't end this pain... if I did, I would hurt her too. So we continued...walking this road....

I am just a human.... there are things that I can't do.... there are times when I am helpless too... so is my gf. What will happen to us in the near future we don't know... will we break up because we are too tired or will we be able to fight this battle and win? I don't know. All I know is speaking from the very bottom of my heart.... I seriously love her... more than any of my 9 ex-gf.

I wonder does my gf also have the same feeling that I am having too? Time to end here.... don't really feel like writing anymore.... I have 2 choices left.... 1) Let nature take its course. 2) Be strong and fight till the end.