I was sick today... I am not feeling well.. but I don't want to call my instructor to cancel the lesson today. That's because he bought the circuit tickets for me already. It can't be refunded if I skip my lesson today. So I just go for it.
Mr Heng changed a new car again. This shall be his new and final car that I will be driving for my test. Even though it's a 2nd hand car.
I got in the car and I moved off as usual. Then when I start to move off, my instructor told me not to release the clutch too much.. just a little will do. I realise that when I clutch down fully, I just have to release my clutch like 5cm and my biting point has reached... I have never driven a car with such a low biting point before. But it's useless to complain now.. all I need to do is to get used to it... I don't have much time anymore.
Today is the worst driving lesson I ever had. I dislike all the unforgivable mistakes that I made in the circuit. If today is my test date, I would have failed right at the circuit without even going out of the circuit to the main roads.
Let's see erm.. I went up the slope and everything was fine... my car didn't roll back... but just when my car is reaching the top of the slope, I suddenly released my gas. I don't really know why did I release it too. Perhaps I thought it's time to release everything to use the engine brake. So when I release it, my engine stalled. sigh..
I tried parallel parking after that. It's so cool when I found out that my car has been modified. When I engage the reverse gear, my left wing mirror will auto turn down for me to let me see the kerb and my rear wheel. When I parked into the lot, it's time for me to move out and when I engage the 1st gear, my left wing mirror will auto turn up for me. That's very useful to me. haha.
My parallel parking erm... it's considered average bah... I know how to adjust my car so that I am in the center of the lot. But I was extremely blur today.. and I can't really concentrate because I am sick. I moved off while still engaging the reverse gear. So I step my gas and it hit the rear kerb. LOL... stupidest mistake ever made.I drove forward and I strike the front kerb too.... sigh... I don't know what's wrong with me today... everything doesn't feel good.
Went on to try the vertical parking... I had 9 tries. LOL.... 3 times per lot. Hmm... my vertical parking was erm.. better than my parallel one.. I remember there was one time where I moved off... and I was told to turn full lock to the left once the kerb is in line with my shoulder. I did what he said but I hit the kerb. :(
sigh... too many mistakes that I committed today.
After that I came across a T junction. I didn't know the lane I am in is only for turning right. I only remembered that my instructor said before that... in a T junction, by default, you should turn left. So I turned left and he jammed his brake. He didn't know what am I doing.... and I don't know what am I doing too. I can't focus at all. I am sorry.
sigh... heartbroken due to my performance today. I still have 19 days left to my test date. I just pray hard that I don't strike any kerb during my test. Oh... but one thing I find weird... I have never ever strike any kerb when I was doing S and crank course. The space is so small for crank course and yet I manage to survive.. The space for parking is so much bigger and yet I die. :(
Today's post shall be longer than usual... Yew hup is taking BTT this wednesday. Good luck to him...
sigh... I have been feeling so depressed lately.. I don't know why... it's like for no reason, I can think of committing suicide. Is there something wrong with my mind? I am starting to doubt myself..... why am I here? For whom am I here for? I am lost... I don't know where to go to for my next destination. I seem to have lost my ambition... and even my purpose in life. Is that what they call emptiness? I have forgotten what is happiness. I forgot how to smile and laugh too. Has anybody felt anything like this before?
I think I have lost my feelings too. What are feelings?
Family.... my friend once told me that a family is full of feelings. But wait... if a family consist of a father, a mother and some children.... then I am afraid I don't have a family. Do you like your family? How does a family feel like?
Friends.... I am starting to doubt what are friends too.... are friends here to help you or are they here to make use of you?
I don't need anyone to cheer me up... I just need time... to regain my feelings... to find back my memories.... to remember who am I.
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