10th march... one day is gone again. Lots of stuff can be done in a day. There is no such thing as wasting time or making use of time.. it's just time management. You can't waste time all the time and you can't make use of time forever... there will always be a mixture. Just like whether are you a leader or a follower. Leaders like Obama can't lead forever.. he have to be a follower sometimes... Newbies can't follow forever.. they have to lead one day too.
Gurwin left SG this morning. Have a nice trip...buddy.... talking about friendship...how many close friends do you have? In other words, how many of your friends do you actually hang out with? I find that many of us have lots of friends... we have all kinds of friends... but how many of them do you actually cherish and value? I am not talking about those friends that you say hi and bye with. It's not those friends that you make use of him...he makes use of you. It's not those friends that will go out with you... laugh out loud with you... have fun with you. These aren't true friend at all.
A true friend is someone who cares about you... share his secrets with you...trust you... believe in you..motivate you... be with you when you are having difficulty.... and chat with you when you are bored. But then is this true? This sound more like a boyfriend to me. So what's a true friend? Beats me.
When you add a friend of yours in facebook and saw that he have 600+ friends... are you jealous?
It's just the mask that you are seeing. Deep down... he himself know the truth about how many true friends he have.
I don't have many true friend... my mum tell me that a true friend is someone who will treat you things to eat and sometimes.. you treat him back... so thats why I have been finding a way to treat sean chan something.
Lets forget about friendship and talk about family. Some family are very lucky... some are very unlucky. If there is a choice... who doesn't wanna be born in a rich family? But because there is no choice... we can't choose which family we want to be born in. That's why some of us are poor. I would say I was born in a lucky family. I was born with a silver spoon.... I was born with happiness.... love... I remembered my dad kept striking 4D and TOTO when I was born. I brought luck to him. But then when I grow up... I find that hey... it's not true... actually... I am born in an unlucky family. I have grown up so fast just to watch my family tearing apart. I grown up to see my loved ones leaving me one by one. I have grown up just to find out that the word happiness is no longer inside my dictionary. Everyday I have been depressed in the inside but force myself to smile at the outside so that no one will know how painful my heart hurts. I believe many of my friends faced this problem too... you know you are upset... but you just don't wanna show it.
I am a guy who love to hide problems in my heart and refuse to let it out. It's not that I refuse to tell anyone.... it's just that even if I tell all of my friends.... what can they do to help? Apparently nothing. So it's useless to tell to. This is life.... this is my life..... I have to accept it no matter I like it or not.
The price of houses in SG rise recently and so do my house. My house right now can sell for S$750,000. It's almost a million dollars. I remember on 3/3/2005... we bought this house at only S$300,000. The price is more than doubled now. But then after selling it... we don't earn a profit at all... we are facing loss. My mum lost her husband. I lost my father. problems keep coming.
I am feeling like I am lost.... lost in an island... and there are only 2 roads to go home... but I only can choose one. The good news is both road will take me home but the bad news is I have to choose one out of the 2.. no 3rd choice. I asked myself which road I wanna choose and my answer is I don't wanna choose a road at all.... I don't wanna follow either one of them... but I can't survive on myself... I find myself fortunate because I am above 18. The law states that child who are above 18 have the right to choose who to follow. But fuck you, I follow my dad I lose my mum. I follow my mum I lose my dad. I understand why my mum hates him... I know why is my mum walking this road... I agree with her..she is walking the right road. I saw what my dad did... I know he have changed.. but then... my blood inside me contain his blood too...
I can't run away from the truth... I have ran for years... I kept running and running.. just to find out that the truth is still standing at the exit door waiting for me. Truth is laughing at me...because it's useless to run.. no matter how I run.. I still have to go to the exit door to get out. I once used alcohol to help me to run. I would drink daily so that I can ignore the truth... take it as a dream... but when I wake up... the nightmare is back... this ain't a dream. This is reality. FML.
I once wanted to smoke to forget about the truth... but seeing my grandpa dying because of smoking... it scares me...
There are so many choices in life.... so many to make... how sure are you that your decision is the best one? I chose to hide my problems from kyo... I am lucky to have her... she will always share with me her problems.. and I will always solve them for her... even if I have to sacrifice things to help her.
She is busy studying now and I don't wanna disturb her. It's been long since we chat too. Our chatting time is getting lesser and lesser. I don't wanna online msn nowadays... because I am afraid... I am afraid of hurting her... because I am having thoughts of breaking up with her. She's so beautiful... so smart... I am no longer good enough for her. So many guys have tried wooing her before... but silly girl.. why the hell did you choose me....a useless boy to be your bf? I have nothing now. I don't have the confidence to assure her family that I can give her happiness anymore. So I believe my best choice now is to let her go... sorry lovely... I love you.
I no longer have the mood to be in love. Sorry for being selfish... sorry for being stupid... but you gotta trust me.. I am doing this for you. I would rather you feel pain for a short term and be happy for a long term than to feel pain for a long term and happy for short term.I am sorry for breaking my promise not to hurt you again.
It took me 2 days to write this post. Ytd I was writing halfway and tears started rolling down my cheek for no reason and I have to stop writing. They say life is full of ups and downs... I don't agree anymore. I think life is always full of downs. Because downs last so long but ups last so short. Sometimes I seriously wonder... what is the purpose of me living as a human on earth... why am I here? To achieve something? or just to wait for death when I am old? sigh... life is so boring... when we are born, we don't know anything.. then we slowly learn.. go to school...play a fool... then we grow up to work... people call you do things like as if you are a slave.. they fuck you here and there... things that you believe it's correct they tell you it's wrong... they just want to torture you. So what can you do? only got 2 choices again... 1st is to quit lor... 2nd is to bear with it lor... the first choice teachers keep telling us if you quit.. it just means that you are weak.. you are quitting because that person want you to quit. And because of your high salary.. you bear with it lor... but bearing with it is easier said than done. People like your boss continue to find things to fuck your life up and down...
Then finally one day you suddenly get promoted to be manager. You thought that hey... not bad huh... I think I made a right choice by bearing with it... now I get promoted. Maybe this is what they mean by 'life is full of up and down'. I think my 'up' is here now. Then 2 weeks later.. you will regret what you said.. you will realise that actually.... your 'down' is the one who is coming. Your salary only rise by $500 but your work increased by 3 times. Not only your boss want to give you trouble but your juniors are also giving you trouble.
Well.. it's not purposely that boss wanna give you trouble.. it's just that the top boss pressure your boss to increase sales... then your boss have to pressure you lor. Sales target cannot reach.. no commission lor..but.. next month increase your sales target again. This is the life of people out there. Sometimes you wonder.. hey.. how come my boss treat Jessica so good? How come Jessica's sales target is only $10,000 but mine is $40,000? You go ask your boss... boss tell you because he thinks you are more hardworking.. he thinks that you can do better than jessica. It's just all shitty excuses.. maybe jessica is boss's mistress? maybe they even had sex before? Who knows? You will never know. All you need to know is you must do your job like a slave. Not happy? Leave lor. Then one day you seriously cannot bear with it anymore... tak boleh tahan..
You are angry that boss is being so unfair.. but sorry lor... life is never fair. So you used a computer and printed your resignation letter. You barged in your boss office without knocking the door.. you bang the table and say... boss.. I will no longer work for you.. I don't wanna see your chee bye face anymore. Then at this moment you will add in a bit of vulgarity because so many years you have worked here.. you got promoted only after working 3 years here but Jessica got promoted to a position higher than yours in just 6 months. So you start to scold KNNBCCB blah blah blah.. after that you went home... you decided to find a new job.. but can't find for months. For some reason.. don't know why.... none of the interviews were successful. So how? If you are single, you lucky lor... but if you are married... god bless you... months of electricity...water... phone bills waiting for you... plus credit cards too... ho-say TG liao... you can't pay.. you quickly seek a job... but all the job wa sian... the salary only $2000 per month... your job to be done got so many... not worth to do. So you rejected it.
Then one day your lucky star is here. You found a good job... you start to earn big money... you think this should be where you belong. But then you look at yourself... you are already 40 years old... if you single..you are too old to find a gf... plus when you get married.. you are already 50 years old.. If you are married... then good lor... seeing your own child grow up... then years later... you are too old to work.. time to retire... sigh.... this is life... no one can get out of this cycle of life. No matter who you are... you can be rich..you can be poor... but as long as you are a human... you still can't get out of this life cycle.
They say rich people are very big deal. I agree... they can buy 5 LV bags... 10 iPhone... 7 Ferrari cars... 1 bungalow. Poor people like us cannot. We admire... we envy... how come they can have such a good life? How come we are all humans but we are different? Sigh.. no need to admire one.. just work hard and do what you think it's right.
No matter how rich they are.. they still have to die one day.. no one can escape from this fact.
They also say rich people no big deal. I agree also... not because I am crazy... everything also agree... but there was this story of a rich man and a poor man in China. The poor man admire the rich man every time he walk pass his house. The rich man despised the poor man for being poor. So one day..natural disaster happened.. Flood came and everyone panicked. The poor man quickly grabbed his cheap biscuits and went to the rooftop. The rich man was stupid. He didn't grab food. He took his gold... jewellery... and climbed to the rooftop too. The water level almost reached the rooftop but it stopped. 3 days later.. the water level is still the same.. no one can do anything to help. The poor man got hungry and took out his biscuit to eat. The rich man was also hungry but have no food to eat. So he asked the poor man to sell him some biscuits.He offered the poor man gold but the poor man refused. The next day, the rich man begged the poor man to sell him some biscuits.. he is willing to give him all his money...property... cars..etc.. the poor man laughed and said....look like rich people are no big deal... the next day.. the rich man died of hunger.
The rich won't be rich forever and the poor won't be poor forever.
sigh... my hands are tired... can't type anymore...
I am not emo... not sad... not mad... I am just depressed. I need time to get things back to their original position. tc.
RCYY
No comments:
Post a Comment