13/3

Hmm... trying to type as fast as I can because I am running out of time... forgive me if there is any typo error like this want over here..

lol... some of you may not find it funny.. some of you may find it stupid... some of you may say that I am lame. Speaking of lame, how many of you actually understand the word lame? Even if you really know the meaning, have you ask yourself why are you using it?
Is it because Singaporeans are using it so you use it too?
That's right! The word I am saying today is 'follow'. Singaporeans love to follow. We see long queue.. we follow.. we see USA got games like the moment of truth.. we follow... we see people buy condom in 7 eleven, we follow also..(oops.. please exclude this one).
Some people blame us for copying... we reply them sorry hor.. you got no copyrights...why I cannot follow?

Only some things in life we don't follow.. Like if got people bankrupt.. who want to follow? Siao right?
Anyway, back to my 'lame' story, because we Singaporeans love to follow what other people do, people say what we follow what lor... for example, Ris Low. She created her nonsense BOOMZ and SHINGZ. She say boomz means good... shingz means bad.. so we follow lor... no harm following what.. so we say boomz means good... shingz means shit. we see other people saying it.. so we just follow lor.. this is interest following.. meaning you follow based on your interest.

Another type of follow is what we known as law following. These are things that people don't like but have to follow. For example, when GST rose from 5% to 7%, everyone complain... but no choice... we need food....clothes etc to survive. So even though we don't like it.. we still must follow.. can you imagine a bowl of mee pok dry also include GST? sian... last time my favorite mee pok only $2.50... now after add 7%... boss charge me $3. I ask why... he say GST...

Alright... lets go to the next topic... my bragging time ... today went to queensway because my sis want to buy a pair of shoe. After buying one.. we went to anchor point to eat. I shared a bowl of noodles with my auntie and my grandma ate rice. After eating a few rice, my grandma said she can't eat anymore. She say she is full. But I know she is lying.. she just don't have the appetite to eat. So after that we went to plaza singapura.
Wa cool... got wine fair.. so many wine for sale.. so we went in and see... all the brand look so strange to me.. never seen before..never heard before.. it's not that they are not famous.. it's just that I don't know any brand. So I tried a sample of their white wine and they didn't check my IC. LOL... Hmm... I wanted to buy a bottle but my mum is beside me.. she will never allow me to drink. So I can't. I was looking for champagne. But they don't have any sample for it.. they only have red and white wine. Then after walking a while... we saw russian vodka.. it was 40% alcohol and it cost less than $50.. omg.. If make a bomb with it.. it will be damn nice to drink... lol... looks like I am back to drinking again...

It's time to go home... we took mrt and usually we will stop at kovan. I remembered my grandma ate very little and I decided to tell a white lie. I told her I am very hungry now and forced her to go eat. My grandma lost weight recently because of her son.. which is my uncle.. sigh.. she is still very sad... she cried today... this wound is so painful that time can never heal it... my mum understand this feeling too.. because she once lost her son too.

So all of us went to punggol nasi lemak to eat... erm... of course nasi lemak. My grandma didn't order it and I know my purpose here is to make her eat.. I am not hungry at all.. it was just a lie. So I asked her what she wanna eat and she asked me to eat mine first.. she will see what she wanna eat. My food is here but she is still sitting there.... so I just don't care la.. I went to buy some food for her even though she say she don't want. After that she got eat... phew... I know my grandma pattern... she say don't want but if you buy..she will eat..

Anyway... we took bus home and my mum was telling me yesterday my grandma cried while thinking of her son. Then my mum began to cry too... I don't know what to do... I am helpless... I am useless... I agree... I blame myself for it... not for his death... but for not cherishing him when he is still alive.
I blame myself for not teaching him alphabet. When he is free, he would take out his exercise book and learn how to write ABC. I regret not teaching him... how to spell apple... how to spell boy. I regret not talking to him more often... I should have done more things earlier when he is still here.

A minute ago I stop blogging halfway. My mum asked me to go down to take care of my brother. While he was drinking milk... I saw my mum crying... so as a son.. I have to show her some care... no one will cry for no reason. So I asked her what happened and she said she find that her mother is very pitiful...
sigh... ya... I strongly agree... seeing your son dying before you die is one of the greatest sadness. The white hair people sending off the black hair people...
In 1999.... my mother lost her son... In 2009... my grandmother lost her son... sigh... years that end with 9.

Recently I find that kids are very stubborn.. things that you say no.. they wanna say yes.. they just like to make you angry... sometimes my brother is so stubborn that I feel like slapping him. But then when I think back... when I was 3 years old... wasn't I very stubborn too? I don't know what is right and wrong too... so I can't blame him...
Sometimes I will look at him and smile.... not smiling because he is cute.. but I will smile and say to myself... Riyan... you are born in the wrong family.. you shouldn't have been here... you don't deserve such a pathetic family... you shouldn't come here to suffer at all. Then I will shake my head and sigh.

But then sometimes... he is the one who will bring us laughter... without him...I won't see my mum smiling at all.
Hmm.. I am left with 1 month of holiday. During these days of my holiday... I would say it was not that good... don't really know why too.

Time to end here for today..but before that..I have one last thing to say.. god... I don't pray to be a successful man. I don't pray to be rich. I just pray for safety... I don't want to see any of my loved ones leaving me anymore... Not for now... I fell down so many times in my life... even now. I kept falling down.. but I am always getting up on my own... and tell myself... this is not the end... this is just the beginning. I will never be defeated.